Surviving the First Weekend Alone After Separation
After nearly a decade of sharing a home with my ex, I faced a massive life change - living alone. Our daughter was three at the time and we worked out a co-parenting schedule that provided each of us a weekend to ourselves every other week (Friday night through Monday morning). I remember sitting on my couch on Friday and feeling panic when it dawned on me that I would be entirely alone over the weekend.
Prior to the separation, I never had a problem spending time by myself. The thought of solitude, despite being somewhat of an introvert, felt daunting. My basement apartment didn’t feel like home, and my TV wasn’t set up to keep me distracted. My closest friend was out of town and surprisingly, I hesitated to reach out for company. In hindsight I should have emailed around to see who was available.
I decided to fend off loneliness and take the opportunity to explore downtown. A web search led me to a company that offered group walking tours. Their ‘Forbidden Vancouver’ tour of Gastown promised intrigue and dark secrets so I bought myself a ticket! My hopes of blending into a big group and finding another solo person to chat with didn’t come to fruition. There were only seven of us on the tour, and I was the odd person out. Even so, I had a little bit of conversation here and there with each couple and the tour guide. The day ended up being invigorating - I got a lot of exercise and learned some interesting true tales about my city. Would it have been more enjoyable with company? Possibly. However, I am still proud to this day that I made the effort to step out of my comfort zone, talk to strangers, try something new and do something proactive to ward off feeling lonely.
Key Takeaways:
Stay active and engage. Make plans with friends, family, colleagues or acquaintances. Keeping yourself busy during the initial separation phase is helpful.
Explore your interests. Make a list of fun or interesting activities that you’ve always wanted to do. Prioritize things that you can’t do when you have your child with you. Save the children-friendly ideas for the days you have your child.
Normalize alone time. Remind yourself that feeling lonely is a natural part of the process. Eventually, it leads to appreciating your own company.
Recharge for your child. Use time alone for self-care, allowing you to give your best self to your child.
Boost self-esteem. New experiences can lead to more self confidence and personal growth.
Time has passed since I was a new co-parent, and I’m happy to share that I revel in my alone time. Yes, it does get easier! I’ve learned to reach out to friends, embracing spontaneity over rigid plans. Check out my blog on ‘Un-planning’ to discover tips on how to be more flexible!
